How to Live Well: For Dummies!

Two days ago I was at my grandparents house and came across this.

Just what I need! I was thinking I needed some class in my life. I thumbed through it. The entire book was mostly pictures with a few articles specifically on how to LIVE WELL. Thank heavens I stumbled upon this now and didn't live in the dark any longer. I have some serious work to do in order to rise to the classiness of those who have mastered the art of living well.

(forgive the quality of the pictures, I took them using a digital camera not a scanner)


Upon opening the first page, I got my first fashion lesson on how to live well. I was horrified to find just how alienated I was from those of high class in the fashion sense.

Apparently living well means dressing like Dracula. Who knew?

Another important thing I learned in the fashion department was that fur is everything. Especially if it costs $165,000. I bet 100 ferrets (or minks, whatever) had to die to make this coat. But to live well, sacrifices must be made.

Moving on. Another important feature of living well is to own a giant, puffy poodle that you can buy jewelry for. You wouldn't believe how many giant puffy poodles covered in jewelry were in this guide. I bet they spend more time doing their poodles hair than their own. And i'm guessing the standard conversation between a fashionable husband and wife goes like this:


wife: darling, whatever shall I do? You keep buying me all this jewelry and I simply don't know what to do with it.

husband: well we could give it to the dog.

wife: Oh what a splendid idea! Fifi has been looking rather drab lately. And aside from this jewelry you just gave me, we should go shopping so she can have a different necklace every day!

husband: That sounds marvelous. I have been wondering what to do with my spare time. Shopping for our dog would be an exquisite use of our time.

And here are the lucky dogs....

Here is how to vacation in high class style. Really.

Option numero uno: Go to a ski resort, ski for an hour, and relax on their beach chairs for the rest of the day. If you ski the whole day and get your money's worth, that means you are low class and cant afford to kick back. Besides, mocking those who have to ski the entire day is way more fun than actually skiing.

Option numero dos: Stay in a high class Miami hotel. And getting a suite by the pool isn't good enough for you high class folks, no, you need a room IN the pool. Im hoping this is a joke.



















Option numero tres: Play golf atop elephants! Now THAT is livin well! As the picture says, you REALLY can do this!
























And for your stocking stuffers this year, santa has something extra special for those of you who want to live well.... (and yes, all these were really listed as stocking stuffers)








Blue cowboy boots! Vintage at that!














Your own mini security guard. Awwwww

















Why settle for plastic when you could have these? Diamond studded earphones!





Here are a few other tasteful tips I found as I was browsing




I believe this must be the food of the fine. I saw these on scattered pages throughout the book, which proves to me that they must be a common course among those who live well. I find it very satisfying that they closely resemble "pretty patties" off of spongebob. I knew that sponge would go far one day.

A tasteful decoration for the household of every classy family.

I think the message this girl is portraying is "my jewelry is so big that it's impossible for me to accomplish anything. I have many servants to accomplish things for me instead. I'm living well."



In conclusion, after looking through my guide to mastering the art of living well, I was filled with dismay as I realized that, as much as I wish, I just don't have what it takes to live well. I was wallowing in my pit of despair at having to live an unwell lifestyle until I found this picture and it gave me new hope. Maybe, just maybe, I DO have what it takes to live well.

Yes, that is a cell phone I have circled in red. I'm happy to report that at least this part of living well I have already mastered. My next step is to buy a poodle. I wish you all luck on your own quests to master the art of living well.

Banishing "too nice."

After reading a post by Pandagirl (http://mymemory62005.blogspot.com/) about our conciences, it got my memory reeling back to the events of last year. I'm a little afraid to say these things on here, out in public. After all, i'm exposing my prideful side. And my vulnerable side. Please remember as you read that we are all human, and wish to be the best we can be. That includes having many shortcomings, but also being able to recognize our good and bad.

I realize now that I was born with a hyper sensitive concience. From the time I was little, the knowlege of doing something even minorly wrong could be tear-jerking. Of course by my tenth grade year I had learned to control the tear factor very well, but the guilt I felt when I was in the wrong and the compassion I felt for people who had been wronged was still strong. Anything I could do to brighten someone's day or give them a lift, I would surely do. And without hesitation.

It lifted my own mood as well to see someone happy because of me. And I say this in all honesty, I really saw the good in every single person, so my compliments and kind words were not empty. At the same time however, though I hate to say this, I took pride in the fact that I was so nice to people. I knew everyone saw me as an ultra sweet girl who was always there when they needed help and always had a compliment for them to lift their mood. I basked in the shower of compliments I recieved in return for my actions, "You are so sweet, Mar!," " Wow you are so nice!", " You are probably the nicest person I know.", "You have no idea what you do to lift my mood every day!"

Then there was this one statement I kept getting along with the outpouring compliments, which I wasn't sure was really a good thing to have said. "You are TOO nice."

I took it as a compliment, but there was this nagging feeling that it wasn't completely intended as a good thing... I knew that being nice was simply who I was. I couldn't help it. Truly, I often did those nice things out of habit. But there was also a sudden realization that perhaps there WAS such a thing as being too nice. I observed another girl who some said was much like me. Her almost sticky-like sweetness was addicting to many, but repulsive to others.

I stepped back to look at myself and see if I really was so similar to this girl. The similarity was sickening. I realized I was often manipulated into doing way more than my share of work, or shouldering a portion of blame when someone was in a hot spot. These people smothered me with thanks of course, which is why I had never cared before. I was also regarded as ignorant in some cases because even when someone was obvisously being annoying... clingy.... hurtful.... unresponsible... "insert your favorite negative adjective here" .... it was hard for me to acknowlege they were in the wrong because I could only see their positive side.

Now, is it possible to have dug in my heels too much? Its amazing what summer can do for you. In three short months my sticky sweetness toned down a lot. I still help my friends with their problems as much as I can, and although sarcasm has become my first language (is this good or bad?) as far as I can tell, I do a good job of being positive. Still helpful, still nice I hope.... but not as much as before. Ive been given a new reputation. Always happy, always the jokester.

Though crazy as it sounds.... I miss my former self. I feel like I left a piece of me behind when I banished "too nice" from my personality. I still feel the pangs of sorrow when I see my peers in pain, whether friends or not. But my ability to fearlessly reach out and touch them with a ray of light in their dark moment..... seems to be gone. Its like I no longer know what to say to help, like I try and fail, or I simply no longer try. I wish to summon it back.... helping them was one of those rare joys you don't find often. And I, for all I know, stabbed it and locked it in a box during my quest to banish "too nice."

I think I still retain a lot of my old self thankfully. But I hopefully ridded myself of those undesirable traits like letting myself be walked on and manipulated. Though I sadly admit that as I scraped these things out of my life I perhaps scraped too deep, and I did lose some of the good things. There has to be a happy medium that I crossed over when I found my new self. There has to. Isn't there some way for me to be nice, funny, positive, insightful, and fair (meaning I can see the good and bad in people without passing judgement) all at once? Or is that too much to ask? At one time or another I posessed each of them. But I am currently unable to juggle all of them at once. My new goal is to backstep just a little toward that old Mar, and find that happy medium. And when I find it, to build each of those qualities strong.

My Brother Ky

Oh the irony..... I was in the middle of reading a blog post by Squid about dumb blonde jokes, when who other than my blonde-topped brother Ky yells from behind me "Quick Mar! I need your help!"

So I run over to him and he asks, in all seriousness, "Will you help me stick these balloons on me?" I stop, evaluating if this is a joke. Nope, not a joke. He really wants me to help stick balloons on him. At this point I start laughing so hard I have to sit down. He starts to crack a smile as he realizes what he has just done, and says "What?? I was really bored and got this great idea! You know, i'll just see how many balloons I can get to stick to me!....." Then we both just laugh for a long time..... and he continues to stick balloons on himself.

Welcome to the wonderful world of Ky. He is my 13 year old brother, and also my best friend. He and I do anything and everything, we make movies on our webcam, which is really just us dancing to whatever music is on at the time. We doorbell ditch our best friends, with me as the driver and he the one who pretends he's in mission impossible to get to the door. We have wrestling matches that always result in cheating (also known as tickling). We hide a lonely pair of socks in each other's bedrooms because no one will claim them, and when they are found by one person they are re-hidden in the other's room. We look at each other's old first grade class books the teachers have you make, and ridicule all the funny mistakes or weird drawings we can find. We make up words, for instance, I KNOW you all wish you knew what a sward was. When we go to the mall we take pictures of each other in the most ridiculous accessories we can find. We read each other's journals, and don't care. We play video games. We talk for hours at night, giving each other relationship advice. We laugh. We cry. We annoy each other. And its great.

I wish everyone had a relationship that me and Ky do. But I know we are a unique case. More often than not siblings either fight or ignore each other 90% of the time.

Me and Ky didn't always get along though, a few years ago he drove me insane with his crazy antics and bursts of personality that can only be described as randomness. He had no fear, no limitations, and no care for who saw it or if it was a time appropriate to goof off. And I drove him crazy because I was Mar-ne'r-do-wrong. I was all for following the rules. No risks, I loved being secure and sure I knew what was going to happen in every situation.

I'm not totally sure what changed. I think first of all, we both grew up a bit. He is still every bit as crazy and random, but it's contained now. I learned that having no risk of getting in trouble isn't necessarily, ahem- fun, and that just because doing something doesn't make any sense (such as hiding socks) it doesn't mean you shouldn't do it (assuming its not harmful). And then once we had undergone these small changes, we realized that we actually weren't too terrible companions for each other... and then that we loved hanging out together... and before we knew it, we were laughing and having fun all the time. By this point in time we had already rubbed off on each other so much we were re-rubbing off on each other. My newfound craziness (which everyone seems to know me so well for now...) only brought out his more. And when I needed to talk something out, suddenly he was there for me, and he could carry on a serious conversation. We were friends :D

And maybe this is the reason we get along so well: he taught me to be crazy, and I taught him to be structured. In a way he brought me out of my thick shell, and I constructed a shell for him even if its ever-so-thin. Like ying and yang, me and Ky keep each other from spiralling too far one way or another.

So now that i'm done writing this, I think ill go get some balloons and join Ky in some balloon sticking!

I'm Crazy.

Out of boredom today I decided to take one of those pop- up personality tests. Apparently I have mild forms of several personality disorders. Who knew? Since internet quizzes are so very accurate, I am (NOT!) very concercerned that I may be heading off to the asylum pretty soon. Here are my percentages:

My Percentage Average of other people
who rate their craziness
on internet quizzes
Paranoid 30% 49%
Schizoid 34% 53%
Schizotypal 50% 53%
Antisocial 50% 47%
Borderline 14% 47%
Histrionic 46% 43%
Narcissistic 74% 41%
Avoidant 18% 39%
Dependent 50% 37%
Obsessive- 46% 40%
Compulsive


Besides being somewhat crazy in all the areas, it looks like I'm Narcisstic! I had to look up this word. It means "disorder of extreme self love."


BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! Look out world! Here comes Marilee! Make way, because I am deffinitely more important than you! I'm pretty much the greatest person alive!

Um, yeah. Hopefully i'm not really Narcisstic, because that would mean i'm a bratty snob. That's basically how they described Narcissim in the deffinition. Haha anyways I really love goofy tests like this because they give me a laugh :D (and also teach me that next time when I take a test, don't answer that, yes, I actually do like who I am. Perhaps I should try and act a little emo next time or something...)

If you want to take the same test go to http://similarminds.com/personality_disorder.html and tell me how crazy YOU are!

Dont drink the waterfall!

Many of you who know me know of my frequent "Marilee moments." Well, for your viewing pleasure today, I give you The Stupidest Marilee Moment Yet! You know why its my stupidest Marilee moment yet? Because I might actually have done myself some harm this time!

Today I went hiking up Adam's Canyon with four friends- S, A, J, and B. Granted, we went prepared! Each of us had a full water bottle and snacks with us! But as we hiked on, those full waterbottles didn't last very long, especially since it was at least 110 out there today! (maybe a bit exaggerated...) Actually, those full waterbottles only lasted us about halfway to the second waterfall.

After panting our way to the waterfall, we had lunch and goofed off in the water. Then as we prepared to hike back down, we started to remember the hour and a half hike in the heat we'd experienced on our way up..... and I particularly remembered how my own waterbottle had been full of hot water because I didn't have time to refrigerate it before we left, and then it slowly cooked in the sun as we hiked. I remembered that the last hot swallow of water had been 0% refreshing and dreaded the long hike down because I was already thirsty!

To be fair, the thought had popped in my head more than once in those five minutes before we started to hike down, but I didn't voice it because I thought it was a dumb idea. But then B says:

B: Lets just fill up our bottles here! The water is ice cold!
Me, S, and A: are you serious? that water probably has parasites or something!

no. He was serious.

J: I'm sure its fine! Look, no people can get up above the waterfall so there is nothing in the water from humans!
B: yeah besides Ive drunk river water before
A: ok yeah, but they always tell us its not safe, that people who get Giardia can end up in the hospital...
Me: And what about the animals? humans arrent the only ones who leave stuff in the water!
B: We drink the animal crap in the reservoirs anyway.
Me: I guess thats true... and I guess we might get dehydrated or something otherwise (we were all really, seriously thirsty)

While the girls debated a few minutes, B filled up a bottle and took a nice long swig of that river water. J was filling up the camel pack as well.

A: I guess he doesn't look sick yet... (ok we were all really thirsty and exhausted! So for some reason none of us thought of the fact that water he drank 30 seconds ago wouldn't make him barf immediately!)
Me: Yeah maybe it wouldn't hurt....
B: It tastes like mountain spring water!! and mmm mmm it is so cold and refreshing!

This is where the common sense I had vanished and thus turned this story into a Marilee moment. I filled up my bottle.

J: (to me) Stop staring at it! Its perfectly fine!
Me: what if it has floaties in it or something! I dont want floaties in my water! Then again I dont see any....
B: There arrent any floaties! Its mountain spring water! Just drink it!
Me: What do you think A?
A: I guess its probably fine, if you drink it I will.

So I take a long drink, and im not going to lie it was soooo good, especially after the long hike of having only hot water. It didn't even taste funny or anything, just ice cold like out of a faucet. A took a drink of it too. We offered some to S because it had been really good, and she hadn't been feeling well and I think she could have used water the most. But she was the smart one and declined, insisting that she didnt want to risk it.

Then we joked for a little while about how if all of us but S got sick then we would know never to drink from the river again. I think we were all a little bit nervous about what we had done, and needed to reassure ourselves through joking that we werent going to land ourselves in the hospital with Giarrdia.

The hike down proved to be about a half hour rather than an hour and a half (probably because it was downhill, duh why didnt we think of these things before?) and so when we got to the bottom I was wondering if drinking half a bottle of the water had been worth it, or if I could have waited a little longer... but too late for that now.

I got home and relayed our hike to my mom, briefly mentioning filling up our bottles at the waterfall, at which point she freaks out about how i'm going to get Giarrdia and go to the hospital and stuff like that! And I told her all of our reasons for thinking its safe, plus the fact that we could have become dehydrated (ok, why did we think that was such a big deal? people become dehydrated all the time and dont die!) and she said that there was no way of knowing it was safe, and that she just HOPED we hadnt gotten a horrible bacteria!

Well after that all my self reassurances that I would be fine vanished and now every little stomach gurgle I have convinces me that I have Giarrdia! I have been reading A LOT of stuff online about it and it says I will know within 24 hours... and that there is no sure way of knowing before then.... but that eating helps because it may absorb it. So pretty much ive stuffed my face since reading that. But this goes beyond a Marilee Moment! This isnt me being forgetful or scatterbrained! This is me maybe getting a bad disease because im dumb and didn't use basic common sense when people were peer pressuring me into drinking river water! AHHHH!

Anyways im sure you all cared about that VERY much. But now you know the dangers, and wont be dumb like me and drink it!

Another blog... at last!

Ok so it's been a LONG time since i've written in here. I'm writing not only to prove to certain people that I really havn't abandoned my blog, but also because I have something I just need to put out there because its been bugging me lately.

Ever noticed how school is based off the principal concept of putting a grade to a persons name? I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Why are we rated on our intelligence level? Thats all the grade is, a rating. Sure it may be a "score" given on the correctness of an assignment you were given, but how can it grade us for real?

I've become friends with one girl in particular to whom this concept has hurt. She is the sweetest, nicest girl who tries the very hardest in everything she does to get the top grade, to get an A or even a B. Still, her grades don't show her effort. Let me tell you, her bad grades arren't from lack of effort, and i'm NOT calling her stupid. It's just that the problems are more than her mind can handle, the concepts and formulas don't register to her as quickly as everyone else.

Now, picture yourself, this smart person in honors classes, most likely in line for scholarships and in special clubs because of your inteligence (such as Honors society or Science Olympiad, hey im not excluding myself here) Why are you getting the lucky break of free college and bennefits? My friend doesn't have a chance at a scholarship, but she works harder than i've ever had to in school.

Let me briefly mention gym class. Our GPA depends on the average of our grades, and many GPA's are ruined because of the lack of athletic ability in one class. May I ask why we are graded for athletic ability? Sometimes we give all we can and it isn't enough for that A.

Is this fair?!? Should our successfulness in life be rated on our intelligence? There are so many more ways to succeed, not only in college but in life in general, without being smart. Tell me your opinion.