Ah, long time no write. Life sure catches up on you! I was inspired to write today by my little brother, Jarom.
Sometimes I wonder just what goes on in the mind of and eight year old. Are they obsessed with destroying things because its "cool" and all the other eight year olds are also obsessed with them, or are their minds really just fascinated by the more gruesome and obscure areas of the world?
The other day Jarom approached me and asked me to write a list of "movies" to be shown at the theatre he had made out of lego bricks. So I took a piece of paper and had to control my horror/laughter as I wrote out his list:
Baby of Death
Already been produced, Chucky.
Aliens Invade the Earth
Also already been produced, Signs
Exploding Worlds
Very Original, Jarom. I would deffinitely see it based only on the title.
Superman Vs. Batman
Already been produced, with basically the same title. I think this was his only somewhat normal suggestion.
Getting Tortured by Paper
... oh my heavens... lets picture this movie for a moment. People sit around and torture each other with endless paper cuts.
Dwarves in War
I just got chills. A thriller, for sure.
Mimes and Indians
Since cowboys and indians wasnt good enough for some.
The Video Game that Blows up Your Mind
You could introduce this one with "based on a true story"
Exploding Faces
Ok, honestly who would go see this movie? Who wants to sit around and watch people's faces explode for two hours?
The House that Came Alive
I guess this all depends on if its a friendly house or a nasty one.
Seriously here, who thinks of these things? Almost all of these have some reference to dying and the others are just plain bizarre. My personal favorites are "Baby of Death" "Getting Tortured by Paper" and "Dwarves in War". Maybe one day we will see these future masterpieces on the big screen.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
The Sneaky Ones
At this time I would like to write about the millions of unreliable people who lounge on their butts all day doing nothing and hoping things will "somehow work out." They live off the resources of others, exploit them, rob them of their money, and then pack up- never to be seen again. People like this exist all over. Granted, sometimes their plight isn't their fault, and sometimes their actions are only a method of survival in a cruel world. Other times, they are plain lazy and manipulative.
There is a woman from this group of people who has made the lives of my parents more agonizing than any person ever has. I will call her "The Fox," because while she was running her plot, she was sly enough that none of us realized it until it was complete.
My parents own a duplex in Clearfield. I would like to start by saying that she knew what she was doing from the beginning, everything she had planned became clear to us when it was over. The Fox had been evicted five times before moving into my parents duplex. Now, she knew no person in their right mind would allow her into their house with the background she had. So she employed the method of "piggybacking" her way into the house. The tenants renting the house before her were decent people, paid the rent on time, kept things in relative order, etc. Now, wife living there before had a brother who needed a place to crash with his girlfriend and her son. Of course she and her husband agreed, and my parents didn't know about it for a while. When they figured it out, they were assured they wouldn't be a trouble and the rent would keep coming. Well, without us being informed, the husband and wife moved out, leaving the boyfriend, The Fox, and her son. Then she kicked the boyfriend out, leaving herself and her son in our house. When we learned of this, my parents initially objected, but agreed eventually when she promised she could still fulfill the cost. See how she works? She got into the house innocently enough by making the transfer through other people. My parents mistake was neglecting to do a background check, since she had been living there for several months already.
Things went downhill from there. For over a year she played a little game, never paying on time, avoiding calls, "forgetting about" conferences with my parents, pretending not to be home.... but never doing anything totally wrong. The rent came- ALWAYS late- but it came, the mission to get another job to pay the rent put off JUST LONG ENOUGH that my parents were always frazzled, but never wronged. Every promise to change something was a lie, every action one only to throw them off for a few days longer.
The toll this took on my parents was enourmous. I have heard spiels from them time and time again, frustrated, annoyed, angry, hopeless, depressed. They fought more often, and were angry at the kids more often. They were losing money, little by little, and their nerves fraying. Finally, after her being out of work for over two months and owing over 2000 dollars in rent, they threatend to kick her out. Then she pled with them "Not during the Christmas season!" So they waited, in which time she still didn't go get a job. They made the decision to evict her after Christmas. But whats this? The eviction process can take a month or more? She actually pointed that out to them, as if smugly saying "your stuck with me for another month."
Finally, after legal fees, lots of heartache, and tons of anger. She was gone, but not really. Upon arriving at the house, they found the garage and basement full of junk she "was going to come back for later." THAT HOUSE WAS NOT HERS ANYMORE. It took her another week to remove her things.
That landed us in the position we were at two weeks ago. We looked at the house, it reeked of smoke and cat urine. She was not allowed to smoke, and never paid a pet deposit. Every room had visible dirt and garbage deposits on the floor, showing how long it had been since she vaccumed. The grime on the toilet and bathtub was disgusting. The stove was covered in pieces of singed food in such great number they accumulated in the pans under the burners inches deep, it was a wonder it even worked. The fridge had old onions and french fries stashed in the drawers. Holes covered the walls. One room must have been devoted to drinking soda, for it was littered with dozens of old bottles- some only half consumed, and spilled- and cigarrette packs. You could see urine stains in virtually every room of the house. There was cat poop all over the basement!!!! WHY WHY WHY could she not have even cleaned the house a little? How did she live with it like that? The place was absolutely trashed.
After many days of cleaning and painting, its almost ready to rent again. Me and Lars have dubbed it "The poo hole" because of the cat poo smell in the basement. The Fox has disappeared to who knows where, never to be seen again, leaving many hundreds worth of damages plus the still unpaid two months of rent.
The question is, why would she do this? She knew exactly what she was doing from the beginning, and could easily have improved her situation with a little effort. She never did get a new job, or even try for that matter. She obviously didn't clean her house at all during that those two months either. And now she has run away with my parents money, off to bother some other unwitting victim. How many other people has she done this to? Obviously at least five, because of her other evictions. How many other people around us are doing the same thing? Living off of other people's resources then disappear, leaving a trail of destruction behind them. Honestly, could she not fathom how wrong this is? If she had even had a job for the past two months she could have some credit to her name, but no, she sat at home watching tv, wasting her time and her life.
This was mostly venting. Forgive me, but I really don't like this woman at the moment. Can you not see though, she made my parents lives awful for the past year, and our whole family has been affected, and she doesn't even care.
There is a woman from this group of people who has made the lives of my parents more agonizing than any person ever has. I will call her "The Fox," because while she was running her plot, she was sly enough that none of us realized it until it was complete.
My parents own a duplex in Clearfield. I would like to start by saying that she knew what she was doing from the beginning, everything she had planned became clear to us when it was over. The Fox had been evicted five times before moving into my parents duplex. Now, she knew no person in their right mind would allow her into their house with the background she had. So she employed the method of "piggybacking" her way into the house. The tenants renting the house before her were decent people, paid the rent on time, kept things in relative order, etc. Now, wife living there before had a brother who needed a place to crash with his girlfriend and her son. Of course she and her husband agreed, and my parents didn't know about it for a while. When they figured it out, they were assured they wouldn't be a trouble and the rent would keep coming. Well, without us being informed, the husband and wife moved out, leaving the boyfriend, The Fox, and her son. Then she kicked the boyfriend out, leaving herself and her son in our house. When we learned of this, my parents initially objected, but agreed eventually when she promised she could still fulfill the cost. See how she works? She got into the house innocently enough by making the transfer through other people. My parents mistake was neglecting to do a background check, since she had been living there for several months already.
Things went downhill from there. For over a year she played a little game, never paying on time, avoiding calls, "forgetting about" conferences with my parents, pretending not to be home.... but never doing anything totally wrong. The rent came- ALWAYS late- but it came, the mission to get another job to pay the rent put off JUST LONG ENOUGH that my parents were always frazzled, but never wronged. Every promise to change something was a lie, every action one only to throw them off for a few days longer.
The toll this took on my parents was enourmous. I have heard spiels from them time and time again, frustrated, annoyed, angry, hopeless, depressed. They fought more often, and were angry at the kids more often. They were losing money, little by little, and their nerves fraying. Finally, after her being out of work for over two months and owing over 2000 dollars in rent, they threatend to kick her out. Then she pled with them "Not during the Christmas season!" So they waited, in which time she still didn't go get a job. They made the decision to evict her after Christmas. But whats this? The eviction process can take a month or more? She actually pointed that out to them, as if smugly saying "your stuck with me for another month."
Finally, after legal fees, lots of heartache, and tons of anger. She was gone, but not really. Upon arriving at the house, they found the garage and basement full of junk she "was going to come back for later." THAT HOUSE WAS NOT HERS ANYMORE. It took her another week to remove her things.
That landed us in the position we were at two weeks ago. We looked at the house, it reeked of smoke and cat urine. She was not allowed to smoke, and never paid a pet deposit. Every room had visible dirt and garbage deposits on the floor, showing how long it had been since she vaccumed. The grime on the toilet and bathtub was disgusting. The stove was covered in pieces of singed food in such great number they accumulated in the pans under the burners inches deep, it was a wonder it even worked. The fridge had old onions and french fries stashed in the drawers. Holes covered the walls. One room must have been devoted to drinking soda, for it was littered with dozens of old bottles- some only half consumed, and spilled- and cigarrette packs. You could see urine stains in virtually every room of the house. There was cat poop all over the basement!!!! WHY WHY WHY could she not have even cleaned the house a little? How did she live with it like that? The place was absolutely trashed.
After many days of cleaning and painting, its almost ready to rent again. Me and Lars have dubbed it "The poo hole" because of the cat poo smell in the basement. The Fox has disappeared to who knows where, never to be seen again, leaving many hundreds worth of damages plus the still unpaid two months of rent.
The question is, why would she do this? She knew exactly what she was doing from the beginning, and could easily have improved her situation with a little effort. She never did get a new job, or even try for that matter. She obviously didn't clean her house at all during that those two months either. And now she has run away with my parents money, off to bother some other unwitting victim. How many other people has she done this to? Obviously at least five, because of her other evictions. How many other people around us are doing the same thing? Living off of other people's resources then disappear, leaving a trail of destruction behind them. Honestly, could she not fathom how wrong this is? If she had even had a job for the past two months she could have some credit to her name, but no, she sat at home watching tv, wasting her time and her life.
This was mostly venting. Forgive me, but I really don't like this woman at the moment. Can you not see though, she made my parents lives awful for the past year, and our whole family has been affected, and she doesn't even care.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
I'm in a little hurry but I have to put this down. Does anyone else realize that as we get older and time goes on... that we just get more and more and more busy? I mean, I guess I kinda just stated the obvious, but let me reminisce back to, say, two years ago like you current honors english ninth graders. When I was in ninth grade, for some reason I thought I was busy. But I wasnt. I had no idea what busy meant. Truth be told, I probably still don't understand. For me personally, between my three AP and three CE classes, my ballroom dance class, and my job, i'm feeling pretty overwhelmed. But im almost positive that when i get to real college it will have a few more curveballs to throw at me.
Anyways back to my point, I'm coming upon the realization that no matter how long you wait, you just dont ever get less busy. There is this pattern i'm beginning to recognize... I say something like "oh my gosh I cant wait until this week is over, then I can take a breather." But lo and behold, the crazy week passes, and what do you know! I suddenly have five more things popping up to take the other stuff's place! There is no such thing anymore as "This is a hectic week, but if I just get through it, then everything will calm down." Nope.
Let me give an example... The last two weeks of second term were pure insanity in my world. Tests, projects, extra catch up homework, procrastinated NHS service hours, extra ballroom classes to catch up from christmas break, and much much more. The homework alone took me about five hours a day, one day it was for eight hours. I kept reassuring myself that "once second term ends this insanity will be over." In a way it was true, because that particular insanity WAS over. But then came the next week of school and I found out about new upcoming tests, meetings for various clubs, and babysitting assignments I had unknowingly been assigned. It was just a whole new insanity to replace my old one.
And it never stops, I cant say I don't like it because to be honest, in a way I like being busy. But its go go go all the time. And I keep waiting for a beloved break to come, but more stuff pops up. Is this a taste of the future? I realize now what adults mean when they say they are always on the go. And I havent even seen the worst of it. It's funny though, because although I feel like my schedual is closing in on me, Im finding that somehow i'm juggling it all. This confuses me because it only seems unmanageable if I look at it all at once. But if I just take one task at a time, complete it.... suddenly, and without a moment to spare, the tasks all fit into my day. Somehow. I'm still trying to figure that one out.
You ninth graders have a lot to look forward to :) Its crazy, but to be honest, its really really fun!
Anyways back to my point, I'm coming upon the realization that no matter how long you wait, you just dont ever get less busy. There is this pattern i'm beginning to recognize... I say something like "oh my gosh I cant wait until this week is over, then I can take a breather." But lo and behold, the crazy week passes, and what do you know! I suddenly have five more things popping up to take the other stuff's place! There is no such thing anymore as "This is a hectic week, but if I just get through it, then everything will calm down." Nope.
Let me give an example... The last two weeks of second term were pure insanity in my world. Tests, projects, extra catch up homework, procrastinated NHS service hours, extra ballroom classes to catch up from christmas break, and much much more. The homework alone took me about five hours a day, one day it was for eight hours. I kept reassuring myself that "once second term ends this insanity will be over." In a way it was true, because that particular insanity WAS over. But then came the next week of school and I found out about new upcoming tests, meetings for various clubs, and babysitting assignments I had unknowingly been assigned. It was just a whole new insanity to replace my old one.
And it never stops, I cant say I don't like it because to be honest, in a way I like being busy. But its go go go all the time. And I keep waiting for a beloved break to come, but more stuff pops up. Is this a taste of the future? I realize now what adults mean when they say they are always on the go. And I havent even seen the worst of it. It's funny though, because although I feel like my schedual is closing in on me, Im finding that somehow i'm juggling it all. This confuses me because it only seems unmanageable if I look at it all at once. But if I just take one task at a time, complete it.... suddenly, and without a moment to spare, the tasks all fit into my day. Somehow. I'm still trying to figure that one out.
You ninth graders have a lot to look forward to :) Its crazy, but to be honest, its really really fun!
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
How to Live Well: For Dummies!
Two days ago I was at my grandparents house and came across this.
Just what I need! I was thinking I needed some class in my life. I thumbed through it. The entire book was mostly pictures with a few articles specifically on how to LIVE WELL. Thank heavens I stumbled upon this now and didn't live in the dark any longer. I have some serious work to do in order to rise to the classiness of those who have mastered the art of living well.
(forgive the quality of the pictures, I took them using a digital camera not a scanner)
Upon opening the first page, I got my first fashion lesson on how to live well. I was horrified to find just how alienated I was from those of high class in the fashion sense.
Another important thing I learned in the fashion department was that fur is everything. Especially if it costs $165,000. I bet 100 ferrets (or minks, whatever) had to die to make this coat. But to live well, sacrifices must be made.
Moving on. Another important feature of living well is to own a giant, puffy poodle that you can buy jewelry for. You wouldn't believe how many giant puffy poodles covered in jewelry were in this guide. I bet they spend more time doing their poodles hair than their own. And i'm guessing the standard conversation between a fashionable husband and wife goes like this:
wife: darling, whatever shall I do? You keep buying me all this jewelry and I simply don't know what to do with it.
husband: well we could give it to the dog.
wife: Oh what a splendid idea! Fifi has been looking rather drab lately. And aside from this jewelry you just gave me, we should go shopping so she can have a different necklace every day!
husband: That sounds marvelous. I have been wondering what to do with my spare time. Shopping for our dog would be an exquisite use of our time.
Option numero dos: Stay in a high class Miami hotel. And getting a suite by the pool isn't good enough for you high class folks, no, you need a room IN the pool. Im hoping this is a joke.
Option numero tres: Play golf atop elephants! Now THAT is livin well! As the picture says, you REALLY can do this!
And for your stocking stuffers this year, santa has something extra special for those of you who want to live well.... (and yes, all these were really listed as stocking stuffers)
Blue cowboy boots! Vintage at that!
Your own mini security guard. Awwwww
Why settle for plastic when you could have these? Diamond studded earphones!
Here are a few other tasteful tips I found as I was browsing
I believe this must be the food of the fine. I saw these on scattered pages throughout the book, which proves to me that they must be a common course among those who live well. I find it very satisfying that they closely resemble "pretty patties" off of spongebob. I knew that sponge would go far one day.
A tasteful decoration for the household of every classy family.
I think the message this girl is portraying is "my jewelry is so big that it's impossible for me to accomplish anything. I have many servants to accomplish things for me instead. I'm living well."
In conclusion, after looking through my guide to mastering the art of living well, I was filled with dismay as I realized that, as much as I wish, I just don't have what it takes to live well. I was wallowing in my pit of despair at having to live an unwell lifestyle until I found this picture and it gave me new hope. Maybe, just maybe, I DO have what it takes to live well.
Just what I need! I was thinking I needed some class in my life. I thumbed through it. The entire book was mostly pictures with a few articles specifically on how to LIVE WELL. Thank heavens I stumbled upon this now and didn't live in the dark any longer. I have some serious work to do in order to rise to the classiness of those who have mastered the art of living well.
(forgive the quality of the pictures, I took them using a digital camera not a scanner)
Upon opening the first page, I got my first fashion lesson on how to live well. I was horrified to find just how alienated I was from those of high class in the fashion sense.
Apparently living well means dressing like Dracula. Who knew?
Another important thing I learned in the fashion department was that fur is everything. Especially if it costs $165,000. I bet 100 ferrets (or minks, whatever) had to die to make this coat. But to live well, sacrifices must be made.
Moving on. Another important feature of living well is to own a giant, puffy poodle that you can buy jewelry for. You wouldn't believe how many giant puffy poodles covered in jewelry were in this guide. I bet they spend more time doing their poodles hair than their own. And i'm guessing the standard conversation between a fashionable husband and wife goes like this:
wife: darling, whatever shall I do? You keep buying me all this jewelry and I simply don't know what to do with it.
husband: well we could give it to the dog.
wife: Oh what a splendid idea! Fifi has been looking rather drab lately. And aside from this jewelry you just gave me, we should go shopping so she can have a different necklace every day!
husband: That sounds marvelous. I have been wondering what to do with my spare time. Shopping for our dog would be an exquisite use of our time.
And here are the lucky dogs....
Here is how to vacation in high class style. Really.
Option numero uno: Go to a ski resort, ski for an hour, and relax on their beach chairs for the rest of the day. If you ski the whole day and get your money's worth, that means you are low class and cant afford to kick back. Besides, mocking those who have to ski the entire day is way more fun than actually skiing.
Option numero dos: Stay in a high class Miami hotel. And getting a suite by the pool isn't good enough for you high class folks, no, you need a room IN the pool. Im hoping this is a joke.
Option numero tres: Play golf atop elephants! Now THAT is livin well! As the picture says, you REALLY can do this!
And for your stocking stuffers this year, santa has something extra special for those of you who want to live well.... (and yes, all these were really listed as stocking stuffers)
Blue cowboy boots! Vintage at that!
Your own mini security guard. Awwwww
Why settle for plastic when you could have these? Diamond studded earphones!
Here are a few other tasteful tips I found as I was browsing
I believe this must be the food of the fine. I saw these on scattered pages throughout the book, which proves to me that they must be a common course among those who live well. I find it very satisfying that they closely resemble "pretty patties" off of spongebob. I knew that sponge would go far one day.
A tasteful decoration for the household of every classy family.I think the message this girl is portraying is "my jewelry is so big that it's impossible for me to accomplish anything. I have many servants to accomplish things for me instead. I'm living well."In conclusion, after looking through my guide to mastering the art of living well, I was filled with dismay as I realized that, as much as I wish, I just don't have what it takes to live well. I was wallowing in my pit of despair at having to live an unwell lifestyle until I found this picture and it gave me new hope. Maybe, just maybe, I DO have what it takes to live well.
Yes, that is a cell phone I have circled in red. I'm happy to report that at least this part of living well I have already mastered. My next step is to buy a poodle. I wish you all luck on your own quests to master the art of living well.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Banishing "too nice."
After reading a post by Pandagirl (http://mymemory62005.blogspot.com/) about our conciences, it got my memory reeling back to the events of last year. I'm a little afraid to say these things on here, out in public. After all, i'm exposing my prideful side. And my vulnerable side. Please remember as you read that we are all human, and wish to be the best we can be. That includes having many shortcomings, but also being able to recognize our good and bad.
I realize now that I was born with a hyper sensitive concience. From the time I was little, the knowlege of doing something even minorly wrong could be tear-jerking. Of course by my tenth grade year I had learned to control the tear factor very well, but the guilt I felt when I was in the wrong and the compassion I felt for people who had been wronged was still strong. Anything I could do to brighten someone's day or give them a lift, I would surely do. And without hesitation.
It lifted my own mood as well to see someone happy because of me. And I say this in all honesty, I really saw the good in every single person, so my compliments and kind words were not empty. At the same time however, though I hate to say this, I took pride in the fact that I was so nice to people. I knew everyone saw me as an ultra sweet girl who was always there when they needed help and always had a compliment for them to lift their mood. I basked in the shower of compliments I recieved in return for my actions, "You are so sweet, Mar!," " Wow you are so nice!", " You are probably the nicest person I know.", "You have no idea what you do to lift my mood every day!"
Then there was this one statement I kept getting along with the outpouring compliments, which I wasn't sure was really a good thing to have said. "You are TOO nice."
I took it as a compliment, but there was this nagging feeling that it wasn't completely intended as a good thing... I knew that being nice was simply who I was. I couldn't help it. Truly, I often did those nice things out of habit. But there was also a sudden realization that perhaps there WAS such a thing as being too nice. I observed another girl who some said was much like me. Her almost sticky-like sweetness was addicting to many, but repulsive to others.
I stepped back to look at myself and see if I really was so similar to this girl. The similarity was sickening. I realized I was often manipulated into doing way more than my share of work, or shouldering a portion of blame when someone was in a hot spot. These people smothered me with thanks of course, which is why I had never cared before. I was also regarded as ignorant in some cases because even when someone was obvisously being annoying... clingy.... hurtful.... unresponsible... "insert your favorite negative adjective here" .... it was hard for me to acknowlege they were in the wrong because I could only see their positive side.
Now, is it possible to have dug in my heels too much? Its amazing what summer can do for you. In three short months my sticky sweetness toned down a lot. I still help my friends with their problems as much as I can, and although sarcasm has become my first language (is this good or bad?) as far as I can tell, I do a good job of being positive. Still helpful, still nice I hope.... but not as much as before. Ive been given a new reputation. Always happy, always the jokester.
Though crazy as it sounds.... I miss my former self. I feel like I left a piece of me behind when I banished "too nice" from my personality. I still feel the pangs of sorrow when I see my peers in pain, whether friends or not. But my ability to fearlessly reach out and touch them with a ray of light in their dark moment..... seems to be gone. Its like I no longer know what to say to help, like I try and fail, or I simply no longer try. I wish to summon it back.... helping them was one of those rare joys you don't find often. And I, for all I know, stabbed it and locked it in a box during my quest to banish "too nice."
I think I still retain a lot of my old self thankfully. But I hopefully ridded myself of those undesirable traits like letting myself be walked on and manipulated. Though I sadly admit that as I scraped these things out of my life I perhaps scraped too deep, and I did lose some of the good things. There has to be a happy medium that I crossed over when I found my new self. There has to. Isn't there some way for me to be nice, funny, positive, insightful, and fair (meaning I can see the good and bad in people without passing judgement) all at once? Or is that too much to ask? At one time or another I posessed each of them. But I am currently unable to juggle all of them at once. My new goal is to backstep just a little toward that old Mar, and find that happy medium. And when I find it, to build each of those qualities strong.
I realize now that I was born with a hyper sensitive concience. From the time I was little, the knowlege of doing something even minorly wrong could be tear-jerking. Of course by my tenth grade year I had learned to control the tear factor very well, but the guilt I felt when I was in the wrong and the compassion I felt for people who had been wronged was still strong. Anything I could do to brighten someone's day or give them a lift, I would surely do. And without hesitation.
It lifted my own mood as well to see someone happy because of me. And I say this in all honesty, I really saw the good in every single person, so my compliments and kind words were not empty. At the same time however, though I hate to say this, I took pride in the fact that I was so nice to people. I knew everyone saw me as an ultra sweet girl who was always there when they needed help and always had a compliment for them to lift their mood. I basked in the shower of compliments I recieved in return for my actions, "You are so sweet, Mar!," " Wow you are so nice!", " You are probably the nicest person I know.", "You have no idea what you do to lift my mood every day!"
Then there was this one statement I kept getting along with the outpouring compliments, which I wasn't sure was really a good thing to have said. "You are TOO nice."
I took it as a compliment, but there was this nagging feeling that it wasn't completely intended as a good thing... I knew that being nice was simply who I was. I couldn't help it. Truly, I often did those nice things out of habit. But there was also a sudden realization that perhaps there WAS such a thing as being too nice. I observed another girl who some said was much like me. Her almost sticky-like sweetness was addicting to many, but repulsive to others.
I stepped back to look at myself and see if I really was so similar to this girl. The similarity was sickening. I realized I was often manipulated into doing way more than my share of work, or shouldering a portion of blame when someone was in a hot spot. These people smothered me with thanks of course, which is why I had never cared before. I was also regarded as ignorant in some cases because even when someone was obvisously being annoying... clingy.... hurtful.... unresponsible... "insert your favorite negative adjective here" .... it was hard for me to acknowlege they were in the wrong because I could only see their positive side.
Now, is it possible to have dug in my heels too much? Its amazing what summer can do for you. In three short months my sticky sweetness toned down a lot. I still help my friends with their problems as much as I can, and although sarcasm has become my first language (is this good or bad?) as far as I can tell, I do a good job of being positive. Still helpful, still nice I hope.... but not as much as before. Ive been given a new reputation. Always happy, always the jokester.
Though crazy as it sounds.... I miss my former self. I feel like I left a piece of me behind when I banished "too nice" from my personality. I still feel the pangs of sorrow when I see my peers in pain, whether friends or not. But my ability to fearlessly reach out and touch them with a ray of light in their dark moment..... seems to be gone. Its like I no longer know what to say to help, like I try and fail, or I simply no longer try. I wish to summon it back.... helping them was one of those rare joys you don't find often. And I, for all I know, stabbed it and locked it in a box during my quest to banish "too nice."
I think I still retain a lot of my old self thankfully. But I hopefully ridded myself of those undesirable traits like letting myself be walked on and manipulated. Though I sadly admit that as I scraped these things out of my life I perhaps scraped too deep, and I did lose some of the good things. There has to be a happy medium that I crossed over when I found my new self. There has to. Isn't there some way for me to be nice, funny, positive, insightful, and fair (meaning I can see the good and bad in people without passing judgement) all at once? Or is that too much to ask? At one time or another I posessed each of them. But I am currently unable to juggle all of them at once. My new goal is to backstep just a little toward that old Mar, and find that happy medium. And when I find it, to build each of those qualities strong.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
My Brother Ky
Oh the irony..... I was in the middle of reading a blog post by Squid about dumb blonde jokes, when who other than my blonde-topped brother Ky yells from behind me "Quick Mar! I need your help!"
So I run over to him and he asks, in all seriousness, "Will you help me stick these balloons on me?" I stop, evaluating if this is a joke. Nope, not a joke. He really wants me to help stick balloons on him. At this point I start laughing so hard I have to sit down. He starts to crack a smile as he realizes what he has just done, and says "What?? I was really bored and got this great idea! You know, i'll just see how many balloons I can get to stick to me!....." Then we both just laugh for a long time..... and he continues to stick balloons on himself.
Welcome to the wonderful world of Ky. He is my 13 year old brother, and also my best friend. He and I do anything and everything, we make movies on our webcam, which is really just us dancing to whatever music is on at the time. We doorbell ditch our best friends, with me as the driver and he the one who pretends he's in mission impossible to get to the door. We have wrestling matches that always result in cheating (also known as tickling). We hide a lonely pair of socks in each other's bedrooms because no one will claim them, and when they are found by one person they are re-hidden in the other's room. We look at each other's old first grade class books the teachers have you make, and ridicule all the funny mistakes or weird drawings we can find. We make up words, for instance, I KNOW you all wish you knew what a sward was. When we go to the mall we take pictures of each other in the most ridiculous accessories we can find. We read each other's journals, and don't care. We play video games. We talk for hours at night, giving each other relationship advice. We laugh. We cry. We annoy each other. And its great.
I wish everyone had a relationship that me and Ky do. But I know we are a unique case. More often than not siblings either fight or ignore each other 90% of the time.
Me and Ky didn't always get along though, a few years ago he drove me insane with his crazy antics and bursts of personality that can only be described as randomness. He had no fear, no limitations, and no care for who saw it or if it was a time appropriate to goof off. And I drove him crazy because I was Mar-ne'r-do-wrong. I was all for following the rules. No risks, I loved being secure and sure I knew what was going to happen in every situation.
I'm not totally sure what changed. I think first of all, we both grew up a bit. He is still every bit as crazy and random, but it's contained now. I learned that having no risk of getting in trouble isn't necessarily, ahem- fun, and that just because doing something doesn't make any sense (such as hiding socks) it doesn't mean you shouldn't do it (assuming its not harmful). And then once we had undergone these small changes, we realized that we actually weren't too terrible companions for each other... and then that we loved hanging out together... and before we knew it, we were laughing and having fun all the time. By this point in time we had already rubbed off on each other so much we were re-rubbing off on each other. My newfound craziness (which everyone seems to know me so well for now...) only brought out his more. And when I needed to talk something out, suddenly he was there for me, and he could carry on a serious conversation. We were friends :D
And maybe this is the reason we get along so well: he taught me to be crazy, and I taught him to be structured. In a way he brought me out of my thick shell, and I constructed a shell for him even if its ever-so-thin. Like ying and yang, me and Ky keep each other from spiralling too far one way or another.
So now that i'm done writing this, I think ill go get some balloons and join Ky in some balloon sticking!
So I run over to him and he asks, in all seriousness, "Will you help me stick these balloons on me?" I stop, evaluating if this is a joke. Nope, not a joke. He really wants me to help stick balloons on him. At this point I start laughing so hard I have to sit down. He starts to crack a smile as he realizes what he has just done, and says "What?? I was really bored and got this great idea! You know, i'll just see how many balloons I can get to stick to me!....." Then we both just laugh for a long time..... and he continues to stick balloons on himself.
Welcome to the wonderful world of Ky. He is my 13 year old brother, and also my best friend. He and I do anything and everything, we make movies on our webcam, which is really just us dancing to whatever music is on at the time. We doorbell ditch our best friends, with me as the driver and he the one who pretends he's in mission impossible to get to the door. We have wrestling matches that always result in cheating (also known as tickling). We hide a lonely pair of socks in each other's bedrooms because no one will claim them, and when they are found by one person they are re-hidden in the other's room. We look at each other's old first grade class books the teachers have you make, and ridicule all the funny mistakes or weird drawings we can find. We make up words, for instance, I KNOW you all wish you knew what a sward was. When we go to the mall we take pictures of each other in the most ridiculous accessories we can find. We read each other's journals, and don't care. We play video games. We talk for hours at night, giving each other relationship advice. We laugh. We cry. We annoy each other. And its great.
I wish everyone had a relationship that me and Ky do. But I know we are a unique case. More often than not siblings either fight or ignore each other 90% of the time.
Me and Ky didn't always get along though, a few years ago he drove me insane with his crazy antics and bursts of personality that can only be described as randomness. He had no fear, no limitations, and no care for who saw it or if it was a time appropriate to goof off. And I drove him crazy because I was Mar-ne'r-do-wrong. I was all for following the rules. No risks, I loved being secure and sure I knew what was going to happen in every situation.
I'm not totally sure what changed. I think first of all, we both grew up a bit. He is still every bit as crazy and random, but it's contained now. I learned that having no risk of getting in trouble isn't necessarily, ahem- fun, and that just because doing something doesn't make any sense (such as hiding socks) it doesn't mean you shouldn't do it (assuming its not harmful). And then once we had undergone these small changes, we realized that we actually weren't too terrible companions for each other... and then that we loved hanging out together... and before we knew it, we were laughing and having fun all the time. By this point in time we had already rubbed off on each other so much we were re-rubbing off on each other. My newfound craziness (which everyone seems to know me so well for now...) only brought out his more. And when I needed to talk something out, suddenly he was there for me, and he could carry on a serious conversation. We were friends :D
And maybe this is the reason we get along so well: he taught me to be crazy, and I taught him to be structured. In a way he brought me out of my thick shell, and I constructed a shell for him even if its ever-so-thin. Like ying and yang, me and Ky keep each other from spiralling too far one way or another.
So now that i'm done writing this, I think ill go get some balloons and join Ky in some balloon sticking!
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
I'm Crazy.
Out of boredom today I decided to take one of those pop- up personality tests. Apparently I have mild forms of several personality disorders. Who knew? Since internet quizzes are so very accurate, I am (NOT!) very concercerned that I may be heading off to the asylum pretty soon. Here are my percentages:
My Percentage Average of other people
who rate their craziness
on internet quizzes
Paranoid 30% 49%
Schizoid 34% 53%
Schizotypal 50% 53%
Antisocial 50% 47%
Borderline 14% 47%
Histrionic 46% 43%
Narcissistic 74% 41%
Avoidant 18% 39%
Dependent 50% 37%
Obsessive- 46% 40%
Compulsive
Besides being somewhat crazy in all the areas, it looks like I'm Narcisstic! I had to look up this word. It means "disorder of extreme self love."
BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! Look out world! Here comes Marilee! Make way, because I am deffinitely more important than you! I'm pretty much the greatest person alive!
Um, yeah. Hopefully i'm not really Narcisstic, because that would mean i'm a bratty snob. That's basically how they described Narcissim in the deffinition. Haha anyways I really love goofy tests like this because they give me a laugh :D (and also teach me that next time when I take a test, don't answer that, yes, I actually do like who I am. Perhaps I should try and act a little emo next time or something...)
If you want to take the same test go to http://similarminds.com/personality_disorder.html and tell me how crazy YOU are!
My Percentage Average of other people
who rate their craziness
on internet quizzes
Paranoid 30% 49%
Schizoid 34% 53%
Schizotypal 50% 53%
Antisocial 50% 47%
Borderline 14% 47%
Histrionic 46% 43%
Narcissistic 74% 41%
Avoidant 18% 39%
Dependent 50% 37%
Obsessive- 46% 40%
Compulsive
Besides being somewhat crazy in all the areas, it looks like I'm Narcisstic! I had to look up this word. It means "disorder of extreme self love."
BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! Look out world! Here comes Marilee! Make way, because I am deffinitely more important than you! I'm pretty much the greatest person alive!
Um, yeah. Hopefully i'm not really Narcisstic, because that would mean i'm a bratty snob. That's basically how they described Narcissim in the deffinition. Haha anyways I really love goofy tests like this because they give me a laugh :D (and also teach me that next time when I take a test, don't answer that, yes, I actually do like who I am. Perhaps I should try and act a little emo next time or something...)
If you want to take the same test go to http://similarminds.com/personality_disorder.html and tell me how crazy YOU are!
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